A GUIDE TO WRITING SYMPATHY CARDS FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

While this guide focuses on supporting bereaved parents, many of these tips can be applied to other types of grief and losses.

ACKNOWLEDGE THEY LOST A CHILD

Some people may worry about upsetting a parent by bringing up or acknowledging their dead child. You won’t be reminding or upsetting them of their loss. They know their child died. And they think of their baby daily. Tell them how much this sucks. It’s unfair. No one deserves to experience this pain. Acknowledging their child and how death sucks is a great first step.

SAY THEIR CHILD’S NAME

This is SO powerful and SO important. Saying their child’s name in a card will mean a great deal to the parent(s). Not all babies are given names before they die, and if this is the case, it’s okay to ask if there is a special name or phrase to use when referring to their baby. Pro tip: when addressing the envelope and card, include the baby’s name along with the bereaved parent’s.

ALLOW THEM TO GRIEVE

Affirm that it’s okay to feel sad or mad. It’s okay for them to fall apart and not be okay. It’s important to remember that we all experience and process grief differently, and how they grieve may be different than what you expect. You can also acknowledge that they will never be the same. They lost a child. This will change them. After sending the card, don’t expect a response. Our mail system is pretty trustworthy. It’s a sure thing they got it, and asking them whether or not they received it can put unnecessary stress on them to respond or say thank you. Doing this may be hard for them, and that’s okay. You can rest knowing you’ve been a really kind and supportive friend by remembering them and their baby.

Additionally, try not to put a timeline or expectations on their grief. They will take the time they need to process their feelings, and having friends and loved ones that support them instead of expecting them to ‘get over it’, will be imperative in their healing journey.

AFFIRM THEY ARE A GOOD PARENT

Regardless of the circumstances of their loss, losing a child was in no way their fault. They loved their baby, and would have done everything in their power to protect them. Remind them that they are, and always will be their baby’s mother, father or parent, and that will never change.

LISTEN TO THEIR STORY

If you are open to it, tell them you would love to hear about their baby, when they are ready to share. Ask them to tell their birth story, show you photos of their baby, or share memories or experiences they had. It’s important to treat them in a similar way to a parent who birthed a living child—ask how much their baby weighed or what time they gave birth. Many bereaved parents miss out on the opportunity to share their birth experiences because their child died, but they still gave birth! Be the person that asks. After all, everyone loves talking about their children.

WHEN IN DOUBT, SEND THE CARD

Bereaved parents will always remember who acknowledged their child and their grief. If it’s been a week, a month, or a year… it’s never too late to send a card. If you feel like it’s been too long, the phrase, “I am so sorry. I didn’t know what to say” can go a long way. You can always shop our line of cards for miscarriage, pregnancy and infant loss, infertility, complicated pregnancies, and Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) stays below. These cards can further help when you feel you don’t have the right words.