NOBLE MOTHERS: LISA PRICE
Here at The Noble Paperie, we want to become a brand that is more than just selling products. We want to support and inspire this community. And we want to do this by lifting up other women that are willing to share their journey through loss. These women are Noble Mothers: they are making an impact in the miscarriage, pregnancy and infant-loss, and infertility communities. We are excited to share our next Noble Mother with you — Lisa Price. Below, you will find her story.
My name is Lisa Price, lover of Jesus, wife of 8 years to my loving husband, Brandon, baker, dance teacher, manifestation creator. We have 2 children - our rambunctious and sporty 7-year-old son, Chase, and our courageous and beautiful daughter, Ari, who resides in Heaven (and would be over 2 1/2).
We had no issues getting pregnant both times, and with no morning sickness my body seemed to love being pregnant. The difference though between the two: one was filled with pure bliss, an innocence and an anxious awaiting of a perfectly healthy little boy. And the other, on November 7, 2016 at 13 weeks gestation, was stripped of that innocence and replaced with fear and anxiety due to the detection of a life-limiting chromosomal disorder. Trisomy 13, something I had never heard of, suddenly became all I could think about.
Life was a daily hurricane of emotions: the looming possibility that our daughter would not survive pregnancy, labor, or delivery, left us with so many unknowns. We had more than the average amount of appointments and meetings with hospital team and staff; we even went for a second opinion to the #1 hospital in Wisconsin to see if heart surgery would be an option. Unfortunately, we were told regardless of any surgery, she would still have Trisomy 13. Our diagnosis would not change. The doctor mentioned that heart surgery is painful, and our wishes were to keep her comfortable. We opted for no pain, just love.
It was all-consuming and quite overwhelming at times. But one particular appointment I will forever cherish. We were introduced to an ultrasound tech who lost her own daughter to Trisomy 18. She shared her story of love and loss, and then life after. She prepared us for what we might experience, and finished by saying: this will either make you 'better or bitter'. Those words still stay with me to this day.
Ari, meaning lion of God, proved her name was perfect. She was given a fatal diagnosis, but she was a courageous fighter, a gentle yet determined little girl. She seemed to be thriving, so it was hard at times to accept the truth of her diagnosis. Though her little body was growing at a slower rate, she seemed content and absolutely comfortable in my tummy. I loved and cherished every kick, movement, and hiccup. She constantly found the energy to keep "dancing" inside my belly, telling us she was not giving up the fight... so neither were we. Now that was true COURAGE, courage from a lion of God!
We had 3 goals for her and we prayed that God would hear our requests: 1) For her to survive pregnancy, labor, and delivery. 2) For her to meet us alive, to see her brother, and her family. 3) To come home to our family home. She did just that!
On April 12, 2017 my water broke and we were headed to the hospital for another appointment, but ended up admitted instead. With my husband, older sister and my friend (who is a NICU nurse and photographer) in the room, Ari entered the world after only 3 pushes on April 13 at 12:24 a.m. She made it! Immediately following, our families came to see our miracle. We spent time kissing her face, hugging her body, smelling her head, rocking her, reading to her, bathing her and just loving on her! We wished for time to stand still in those moments. Our family of 4 was together and I had never felt such peace like I did in that moment.
The hospital team knew we wanted to get her to our family home. We were discharged at 9:00 a.m. Upon leaving, the last nurse on our team prayed over us before she helped us to the car. I will forever be grateful for her! As I held Ari in my arms on the drive, the song "Home" by Chris Tomlin played on the radio - it was perfect. While she experienced several apnea episodes in the hospital she came through every time, however, 30 minutes after we were home she took her final breath in my arms. Ari passed away after 9 hours and 51 minutes of life. She was now home—her forever home.
My son and husband have been so incredibly supportive and are my real-life superheroes. When the moments creep in where I don't think I can handle what I’m facing, they swoop in to remind me why I can... I have the power to choose. I choose better.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 8 couples are walking through infertility. With so many women being affected by these issues, there is power in telling your story. What was the turning point for you to feel safe enough to share your own journey?
A. We never kept our diagnosis private. In fact, we shared our story from the beginning on a CaringBridge page. We felt it was important to celebrate every moment we had with our little girl here. We were honest with our son, who was 4 at the time, saying that his little sister might not be able to come home and play, that her heart was sick, but she is still his sister. In a way, I knew her story, our story, was meant to be shared. Regardless of outcome, I wanted Ari’s story to be known, and to continue to bring light to others experiencing a similar diagnosis or circumstance. I also wanted to share the 'better or bitter' mindset, and the power of your choice.
Everyone grieves differently. What has helped you to heal and process your grief?
A. My faith, hands down, is the driving force behind my healing. Knowing the promise that I will see Ari again, I continue to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and Heaven. But until then, I have work to do here.
Ari is an example of strength and sacrifice, and I wanted her fight and death to have meaning. Especially in the beginning, it was a daily battle to choose better, not bitter; to reach for and chase the feelings I wanted to feel. To access those feelings, I had to be purposefully conscious of the choices I made. Workout or not? Workout. Drink or not? Not. Hold onto anger or release it? Release it.
This process did not happen overnight, nor was it easy and still takes work, but choosing better over bitter is so possible. I educated myself through books, podcasts, hiring a grief coach, seeing a counselor, working with the bereavement coordinator at the hospital and just kept putting in the work. I understood I was the ONLY one responsible for choosing how my grief journey would turn out. I incorporated healing movement into my daily life whether it was at the gym, in the dance classes I teach, or in the comforts of my home. This was crucial in my overall wellness and healing. I also started adding daily habits into my routine such as a manifestation practice, breath work, and mindfulness. To see and use this pain as a catalyst to propel us to live an extraordinary life after loss is so possible. I choose to do exactly this, to live my best life for me, in honor and memory of all my daughter gave and continues to teach me every day!
Was there ever a time someone said something insensitive to you about your pregnancy, pregnancy-loss, or infertility? Knowing what you know now, how would you respond?
A. Several cliché sayings have been said to me, and early on they did in fact offend me. Some relationships were definitely affected. But knowing what I do now, I understand most people do not have the capacity to handle grief… especially the loss of a child. We are not schooled in handling grief, it is not a skill set we typically work on. I don't take things personally and I have grown to understand most people come from a place of love and a desire to help. Everyone is basically doing their best with what knowledge they have, but we can be our own advocate by being aware of our needs, set boundaries internally and externally, voice them to our supporters and put them in a position where they can succeed in helping us. Knowing our strengths and matching them to our needs is a win-win.
Every woman who opens her heart to have children is a mother. What is your favorite thing about motherhood? What has loss or infertility taught you about motherhood?
A. My favorite thing about motherhood is the abundance of love that pours out of you and comes back to you. It is a constant flow. No matter if your child is here or in Heaven, that love connects you and can continue to grow. Love is always the answer. Loss has taught me that everything is finite. We were never promised to outlive our children, nor were we promised a set amount of time on this earth. I believe every minute we have with our child is a gift; we were hand picked to mother them.
How are you using your gifts to lift others up who are walking through pregnancy loss, infertility, or other pregnancy-related issues?
A. Since June 2018 I have been supporting moms (and now expanding to help dads, too!) when I saw there was a lack of continuing and constructive resources. I formed Better Not Bitter Mom LLC to offer what I knew was lacking. Through group / 1:1 coaching, an online course, live events, eBooks, and social media, I offer tips, tools, and tangible action steps to help bereaved parents transform their pain into finding purpose, possibility and forward movement on their grief journey.
Grief and loss, especially with miscarriage, infertility, and pregnancy-loss, can feel very isolating. What is something you would say to yourself in the first days after your loss?
A. You will feel that no one understands you, but there are countless survivors of loss that have come before you and are willing to support you. Share your story and you will find so much love in a community that understands the depth of your pain. It is a vulnerable thing to do, but so worth sharing your truth.
Thank you, Noble Mother
Many thanks to Lisa for having the strength and bravery to share her story with this community. If you would like to submit your own story for our Noble Mothers series, please fill out our submission by clicking the button below.
There is power in the story.
Here at The Noble Paperie, we want to continue to support our community while lifting others up. Are you a mama or do you know one who would be a good fit for our Noble Mothers series? Feel free to comment here, or drop us a line at hello@thenoblepaperie.com. We would love to hear what you think!
xoxo,
